Ah, bliss. My favourite kind of entertainment. Usually, I get this riding the 86 bus. But, oh my stars, I am lucky to enjoy such Neanderthals several thousand feet up in the air!
This delightful duo are sitting next to me. I am thrilled to hear their exploits and stories of sexual conquests. By the sounds of it, no woman is safe from their charms. That's because most women love men with bad neck acne...yummy!
According these aspiring Romeos, Robbie Williams is a "fucking ugly poof". Which I suppose they should be happy about, because that means more women for them, naturally.
It's also delightful to hear their ponderings on the pubic hair of the senior hostess. They are musing (quite loudly) that "her gash hair is really fucking thick and possibly five inches across".
Spotty, the one nearest me, let out a "fucking hell! We're fucked!" when he heard the captain's voice. The captain sounds Indian. So obviously, he's a terrorist (?!).
It's only 10 minutes into the flight and I will have to be loudly entertained by them for the next 90 minutes.
I really hope they don't breed. In fact, for the benefit of mankind, I hope this plane takes a slam into Mont Blanc therefore preventing from polluting the gene pool. Obviously, I would become an integral part of the Alps, embedded into the rock with blood, gore, twisted metal and Ryan Air scratch bingo cards, but that is the sacrifice I am willing to take.
I wonder if it would shut them up if I held my passport open so they could see my first name of Mohammed and then start loudly praying to Allah?
But the fact that I have just wolfed a mini Melton Mobray pork pie might just put pay to that idea.
The thing that's just pissed me off the most is that the loudest one (the one with the dark hair) has just got out his laptop down from the overhead cabin - it's a MacBook Pro (I *thought/hoped* Apple was a-hole free. I stand corrected).
He's showing his travelling companion, and indeed everyone else, his snowboarding videos, where he is the star (of course). It galls me to admit that they are actually really well made. He's put them together in Final Cut Pro but set them to rancid music. Very well filmed and edited though. I wonder if he works in the media? That would explain his misogyny, homophobia and hugely inflated ego.
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